Project Runway 9/17/15--"Haute Tech Couture" summary

Previously on “Project Runway”: everyone had to make lingerie and it was all pretty boring. I mean, there are only so many things you can do with a bra and panties, especially when you're given a bra to work with. But also ONCE AGAIN they did not go to Mood. Why, Lifetime? Did Mood tell you to GTFO? It's so confusing. Anyway, Merline made a whole new bra, which had zero support, but somehow still won. Blake went home for making a tacky hot pink bra, also with zero support. Listen, I know people win and go home for dumb reasons that have nothing to do with fashion and everything to do with whatever story the producers decide on. But I don't think it's too much to ask that you don't say “This look wins even though it wouldn't work on all body types” and then five seconds later say “This look loses because it doesn't work on all body types.” I think you can manage not to contradict yourself in the same challenge. (click for more)

Laurie says Blake was “the silent life of the party”. No. Blake was obnoxious and thought it was cute to be a complete idiot. Everyone finds old-school boom boxes and literal cassette tapes. I bet some of them have never seen a cassette tape. Anyway, field trip time because HEAVEN FORBID we ever go to Mood and make real clothes out of real fabric. No, instead we are at a sketchy warehouse with a giant dumpster full of electronics. SIGH. The unconventional materials challenge was better when there was only one. So a Marie Claire person is here because blah blah tech people blah blah “merge the worlds of technology and fashion.” Oh you mean like Diana used to do by making hoodies with sensors and shit? No of course not. Silly person. You have to use all this trash to make an outfit. Tim says the words “dumpster dive” and they put them onscreen in lame-ass “80's” graphic. I'm so irritated at this challenge already. Lindsey has a “germ thing” and is kind of freaking out. You can fill up your shopping cart but that's it. The producers continue to have stupid graphics onscreen showing what people are taking. Why? Why do you need to tell me these are circuit boards? Do you think don't know what a VHS tape looks like? Actually maybe you do. I don't know that I need the modem noises, but Merline realizing how old she is because she had her own floppy disc in school is kind of amusing. Tim implies they'll wheel the carts all the way back to the workroom. Are they? They do seem to be going a long distance.

Out of nowhere Lindsey says Jake is off today. Swapnil gives Joseph shit about making sexy clothes. Heh. Joseph claims he is making things really sexy. Ashley got her hands on a Polaroid and discovered that when she pressed on the film it makes patterns. So she's making a print, I think. Kelly got two pieces of duct work, and I think she imagines she can make a dress out of it? I don't know that she has enough material. She can make part of a robot costume though. Tim appears, to tell them they must “transform” the materials and it must be wearable. One day. Jake asks to speak to him. So this morning Jake's dog died, which sucks. He's had the dog a long time but that almost makes it worse? I can't really understand him but it's clear he doesn't care about this show anymore. He makes the announcement to the room that his dog needs to be put to sleep and so he's leaving. Oh OK. That still sucks. I think the worst part is he's like “I don't expect anyone to understand” like he knows he's too upset to continue but he thinks the other designers will think he's doing the wrong thing. I think they all understand.

There is a little bit of working before Tim Time. Lindsey says her brain doesn't work in unconventional materials. She's thinking “romantic” but maybe doesn't have enough materials. Candice has a bunch of wires but I wonder if she has time. Ashley strung the Polaroids on a strip of film. She needs to figure out a silhouette but she's in good shape. Tim loves the Polaroids. Kelly cut up her tubing so maybe it will cover a gown? Also Tim says “paillette” and we apparently need a definition. It's a giant sequin. There's your definition. Oh, we needed the definition FOR KELLY. Sigh. Edmond made a black dress out of mouse pads. It is too boring. I think he's going to put keyboard keys on there like Lindsey. Merline has like, giant wing shoulders. Like a superhero. But she got immunity for her crap last week so she doesn't care. Joseph has a low-cut back but that's about all he has so far, and muslin. But he's going to paint the muslin, don't worry. Laurie's mouse pads look like mouse pads still but she likes it. They're like flaps that make up a skirt. Swapnil...Swapnil has a bunch of wires sticking up and swirling around. He wants to make a giant top and then just a muslin skirt, which would be a bad idea. Tim tells everyone there is “potential” for the “best” unconventional materials challenge in the history of ever. No, Tim.

Swapnil needs a break. He says he's been aiming to be safe, because he doesn't want to be top then bottom then out. He wants to be safe, then start being in the top, then win. I mean...I guess it's a strategy, in that if the judges made any sense at all you could predict what “safe” would be. Candice thinks the judges will “feel” that he's aiming for safe, instead of the producers watching the dailies and telling them. Model fitting. Joseph painted his muslin and the whole thing shrank so he's got a three-inch gap in the back of the dress. Well that's why you don't use muslin. Laurie just now (?) realizes her dress looks like mouse pads so she does some painting. Swapnil's wire thing is both in the model's face and also exposing her boobs. Ashley has to remake a crop top. Joesph has to borrow some mouse pads, because the wire he was going to stick to the muslin doesn't stick anymore because of the paint. Ashley finally decides to make an A-line dress. I don't think it will be too boring because the Polaroids are so cool. She talks about overcoming obstacles so I hope that's not a sign she's going home. Lindsey likens trying to impress the judges like when you first start dating someone and you don't know what they like. Yeah if you ever dated someone who changed their mind constantly. Now Joseph is asking people what to do with his stuff. Swapnil is still procrastinating and at the end of the day he has pretty much nothing.

Runway day. Most people still have plenty of work to do. Lindsey has to make a skirt. I think she pulled CD sleeves, those white fabric kind. Joseph has the least amount of work, in that all he has to do is the final fitting. He's afraid if he keeps going he'll put too much shit on the dress. Kelly's dress comes down low on the sides but that means her boobs pop out, so some straps are in order. Swapnil makes a tiny skirt and paints it, I think. Yeah that's not good. Swapnil takes a smoke break, because I guess he doesn't care if he goes home? He is really nonchalant about this. Edmond builds a clutch out of trash for no reason.

Commercial interlude: Merline says she doesn't date because in business she takes so much risk that she doesn't have any more risk left for dating. Kelly talks about her cat. Swapnil kind of rolls his eyes and says the boys don't enjoy the company of the girls. I mean they are talking and if you want everyone to work quietly that's annoying. But whatever.

Heidi says someone's getting eliminated even though Jake left. Guest judge is Paula Patton, and also Anne Fulenwider who is the editor-in-chief of Marie Claire. Swapnil: so he took some white cables, then swirled them around, over the bodice and then up almost over his model's face. Just in the front. And a tiny skirt painted gray. It's interesting but not particularly “wearable”. Very sculptural. Edmond: black dress with a plunging neckline and some sparkly parts? Maybe keyboard keys? The shoulders are very big and have fringe like Tina Turner in “Mad Max”. Lindsey: white sleeveless cocktail dress. The top has a V-neck and is covered in keyboard keys, with a little silver detail at the point of the V. The bottom has white fabric CD sleeves in rows like tabs. It's cute but not that interesting? But it does look like real clothes. Candice: sheath dress with a high neck and no sleeves, made of wires laid next to each other to cover the muslin. But the boobs are white and stand out and look like eyes. But I like the shape and the lines of the rest of the wires. Laurie: strapless bodice and short skirt made out of mouse pads. She used them like flaps so the skirt has tabs like Lindsey's did, although shorter and those mouse pads she painted with stripes. The top looks like she has lapels. There are wires too.

Kelly: sleeveless sheath dress made of muslin covered in silver duct work. She cut up the duct work and then glued the tiny pieces on like sequins. It has a deep V and it really looks like steel wool but it's cool. Merline: black dress that hits below the knee and has ridiculous shoulders. Like giant shoulders. I can't tell what it's made out of. Wires maybe. The whole back is open. Joseph: short dress with a strapless neckline that plunges. So the bodice looks like Mickey Mouse ears. It's blue mouse pads with wires between the panels. Also at the hem in the front there is fringe on purpose. Ashley: crop top and skirt made out of Polaroids. The top is two wide pieces over her chest, with an inverted V in the middle. The skirt is short but has folds in it, so it's three-dimensional. The Polaroids from far away looks like comic strips.

Merline, Laurie, and Candice are safe. Laurie looks irritated. Edmond's sparkly parts on his dress are keyboard keys, but they're backwards so you can't see the writing on the keys. They like it. The fringe is in and it's futuristic and of course Zac loves that he made an accessory. Whatever I don't mind his dress. Joseph explains his wire and mouse pads. Nina doesn't think it's very creative. I think he went for “sexy” and didn't think about being creative. Boring but hey, they didn't say it was matronly. When they show the closeup of Swapnil's top, it appears that in order to keep the model from flashing everyone he took one wire and tied it around her waist. They like the top, but the bottom is seriously lacking. Even the bottom wires are kind of messy. Nina asks if he ran out of time and I think he says “Yes but I don't want to make excuses because I know you'll nail me for it”. Zac hates it. Ashley's dress gets big grins even before she's done describing it. Nina calls it “a dress made out of memories”. It's fun and the cutout is perfect as is the fit. Zac says her creative process (finding Polaroids, breaking them out of the plastic, noticing the chemicals bleeding, deciding to do it on purpose) is great and that's a designer. Ashley actually cries from this praise. And there are pockets! Kelly actually lined up the pieces of tubing so it's all in stripes and the bottom is the tubing turned the other way around. It's great. They love it and how it looks like a dress she could wear out right now. They can't tell it's duct work which they also love. Lindsey talks about her skirt and close-up they look like sandwich bags. Nina can tell what all the materials were and it bores her. Zac is reminded of a bathroom. They start joking about “Swapnil juice”, I guess because she made a boring thing and even though Swapnil was in the bottom at least he tried.

In the Scrap Bin everyone is shocked Lindsey was in the bottom. Are you dumb? That dress was boring. The judges love HOW Ashley came up with her dress as much as they love the dress itself. Even up close no one can tell what is going on with Kelly's dress. Like they can't figure out how this is duct work. That's kind of cool actually. Edmond's dress is not as great up close. They like the lacing in the back though. Joseph's dress is clumsy and boring. Plus the fringe on the front of the skirt is just cut wires like it's snapped off. Lindsey's dress is like a bathroom with tiling and shower curtain. Swapnil's top is fine, but below the waist he took duct tape to bundle the wires and the skirt is crap. They start talking about him not pushing himself and how he must think he won and you know the producers told them about all his smoke breaks and his plan to be safe all the time.

Heidi talks about how great the top three were, and then names Kelly the winner. She wins immunity and is pretty excited about winning. I can get behind it. Ashley and Edmond are in. Joseph and Lindsey were boring, while Swapnil didn't work to his potential. Swapnil is in. Joseph is out. Lindsey is in. I can get behind that too. Of course Joseph doesn't think he had the worst look, but he also doesn't particularly think he should stay? He does mention not showing at Fashion Week but that show was a week ago so of course he showed.

Next week: well I thought by extending taping for another minute it would stop cutting off the preview but it still is busted! I blame Lifetime. My DVR says they will have to create looks based off the Broadway show “Finding Neverland”, which is the show with Matthew Morrison in it but thank God he's not the guest judge because I still am angry at “Glee”.