Project Runway 8/1/13--"An Unconventional Coney Island" summary

Previously on Project Runway: the designers were shown a large amount of precious gemstones and told to design outfits to go with them. Essentially it’s a celebrity red carpet challenge without the celebrity. Kate won, and other designers started to talk about how she copies more famous designers. Once again, Timothy made something weird with remnants (although someone clearly informed him that he WOULD be using L’Oreal because they paid too much to be on this show, you ignorant hippie) but he survived. Helen had a breakdown during the runway show because her dress was terrible. Sandro made a very tight dress with SHEER SIDE PANELS but because he gets in fights and is not boring, the judges had to pretend to think it was modern and not super tacky. Kahindo’s dress was not very pretty, but since she is a nice person with no drama or craziness she was sent home. When Heidi said the bottom three had two dresses with poor construction, and one boring dress, you knew she was doomed. (click for more)

It is 5:30 in the morning and Heidi is waking everyone up. She’s much meaner about it than Tim ever was. She drags everyone to Coney Island. Everyone looks cold. There is a product placement sponsor person, which is for froyo, which somehow “inspired” the theme for the next challenge. Ready? Because this is way too complicated. Everyone will be taking carts out around the boardwalk, to hand out frozen yogurt and force random people to give them words to describe…the experience of frozen yogurt on a really cold day, apparently. Then the designers have to pick three words to inspire their design for this challenge. This is already stupid. OF COURSE they will be pairing up. Kate is having flashbacks. Alexander and Justin, Kate and Helen (Helen thinks this is great? Because they’re both into eveningwear? I guess she already forgot her disaster from last challenge), Jeremy and Ken, Sue and Sandro, Bradon and Karen, Dom and Alexandria, Miranda and Timothy. You could have guessed Miranda would end up with Timothy because they show an interview where she says she doesn’t want to end up with Timothy. It always works that way. 15 minutes to bother the public.

I’m not sure why they had to get up at 5:30 in the morning. No one is out at the boardwalk that early, are they? Everyone says random words. Each team is going to create one look. Then Tim says they’re not going to Mood, but will be playing carnival games. Your prizes will be used as materials. They will pay $100 which will give “unlimited access” to everything. So do they have to actually play carnival games? Will they un-fix them so the designers can win something? 30 minutes to play. They do actually play games, so there’s that. At least they’re pretending they have to have skills, instead of just giving the designers prizes. But there seems to be a lot of like, the fish pond, and Whac-a-Mole, where it’s easier to win than the one with the milk bottles and stuff. Miranda tells Timothy she’d rather be with him than anyone. Of course they find a unicorn, which I bet was planted there just for Timothy. If I was a producer I would totally do that. Everyone ends up with what seems like a very large amount of toys and junk. Like, plenty of materials.

Back at Parsons Tim says they can design whatever they want, and they have the rest of the day to work. Kate and Helen are making a corset. Sandro says something negative about Sue’s design but I have no idea what he’s saying. I think I make out the words “drag queen”. They’re showing what materials everyone has, onscreen, but I notice that when they show Timothy the unicorn is not included in the list. Sandro and Sue are already fighting and I have no idea what is going on. I think she wants to use his machine? But he is telling her she doesn’t have time and she should use another one? Why are you subtitling Justin when Sandro is much harder to understand?

Over in the workroom everyone is emptying their stuffed animals and there is fluff all over the place. Timothy brags that all he ever does is make clothes from toys. Whatever. Helen, in a move that does not seem like a reality show contestant, says she’s kind of sorry she said Kate was a bitch, because Kate seems pretty awesome. Sandro and Sue discuss their design but I think Sandro would sound like a jerk even if he agreed with everyone. Sandro asks Bradon what fluffy means, and then declares he thinks “fluffy” is sexual. Because it is, I guess. He whispers into Bradon’s ear, I guess telling him what he thinks a fluffer is, and Bradon just looks back at him and gives a tiny nod and a knowing look. Hee. Sandro stares at him for a couple beats and then flounces off. If you don’t know what a fluffer is don’t Google that at work. Someone asks Timothy if they’re cutting up the unicorn (of course not) and then suggests their model ride the unicorn down the runway (“YEEESSSS!!!!”). Don’t give him ideas. Timothy sits in confessional and schools everyone on unicorn taxonomy, because unicorns are not horses but apparently related to hippopotami. I’m not sure what unicorns Timothy has been imagining, even though technically a hippopotamus is in the same order as a goat, which is what some drawings of unicorns look like. Oh my God, I am using my biology degree to talk about how to classify unicorns.

Sue keeps giving suggestions to Sandro and when he doesn’t like something he just tells her it’s dumb, or reacts in a jerky way. Timothy starts over? I think he started over. Miranda had left and he did it without her, which is both an asshat move and also totally unsurprising. Sandro gives her some advice which is incomprehensible. Seriously, is it just me? I never know what he is saying, both because of his accent and lack of proper English. At least subtitles would let me know the words coming out of his mouth. I THINK he’s telling Miranda that if she gets an attitude right now they’ll both go home.

Tim time! He is appalled at the mess. Ken and Jeremy have vinyl pants and Tim loves it. I will give the producers credit for constantly telling us what materials each team has, because I know that has been a problem for them. Alexandria and Dom made a face on the front of their dress. It looks like a blue Domokun. Alexander tells Tim they made a junior dress. Justin is not that pleased he said something bad before Tim said anything. Karen and Bradon have something swirly, and Sandro says he’s going to copy it. I mean, he praises their technique and says he’d like to use it. Sue tells Tim she gets along with Sandro when they’re not working together. Ouch. Sandro has made a bodice, and then Sue is making the skirt. Sandro interrupts her and says it won’t work and forget it, and then DRAWS AN X OVER HER SKETCH. Asshat. Then he goes on a rant about Zac and how Zac will say everything is too much so he’s going to say it’s all Sue’s idea. Tim is asking Sue her ideas, and Sandro is hand-waving and cursing. I have no idea what he’s saying except that he is clearly being an asshat. Sue interviews that she shouldn’t say anything so she won’t kill anyone. FINALLY the producers hear me and subtitle Sandro, even though he’s just saying he doesn’t give a fuck. Tim reminds him they’re a team, and then pretends the judges won’t ask them who did what. They get pissed when you won’t tell them that, come on Tim. Kate and Helen go strapless. Miranda tries to talk, but Timothy interrupts her to say he “invented” some textile. Tim says “hospital gown”. Kind of? I’m not seeing it but it’s not that great, certainly. It’s too Disney.

Timothy is trying to fix things, and to his credit he asks Miranda what she thinks, but she’s just staring at the sketch and shut down. Model fitting. Timothy claims his model loves and understands him (the last one, not the first one he got who cried). His model gives him a card (…?) and he begs Miranda in confessional to trust him. Miranda is trying to fix the skirt and she’s crying and Timothy is rushing to reassure her. I think he’s actually doing the best he can with her shutting down. Miranda was really upset by Tim, I think. Sue asks Sandro how to do something, or she shows him something and he says it’s wrong, so she goes to redo it and is calm about it. Sandro of course jumps up from the sewing machine and says he’ll show her how to do it because “you don’t fucking understand”. Sue tells him not to talk to her like that, but when she suggests doing something by hand he’s right back with the “we don’t have fucking time” or whatever. Miranda tells the sewing room about “Disney” and “hospital gown” and everyone laughs. Then she says “Timothy doesn’t want me to do another pencil skirt ‘cause he doesn’t want me to get into trouble”. Huh? When did they have that conversation? She tells the room when she’s not upset she’s mean and he’s making her crazy. However she fails at the first rule of being a snarky bitch, which is MAKE SURE YOUR VICTIM CAN’T HEAR YOU TALKING SHIT ABOUT THEM. Come on, Miranda. Timothy walks in while she’s talking about trying not to be upset and now she’s just going to be mean. I can’t tell if she’s yet figured out he’s there. Sandro tells her though, and I have to give her some credit back when she says she doesn’t care. At least she owns it. “Maybe when I end up in the mental hospital they’ll let me take this dress with me.” OK, that was funny. Sandro is laughing hysterically for some reason while Timothy just sits there. He finally leaves while Miranda says she thinks he’s here to piss her off? Now you’re being crazy. Timothy cries in confessional that he didn’t come here for this and how dare she. Yeah, you’ve crossed from snarky bitch to mean bitch now. I don’t think the producers cast Timothy just to piss you off. Karen and Bradon appear to talk Timothy out of quitting. Do I think Timothy was going to quit? Maybe. Do I think Timothy would threaten to quit so others would tell him he’s great and talk him out of it? Maybe. I would. As Timothy walks out of the workroom, Helen is yelling at Miranda to be a grownup and go compromise because this reflects on her too. Miranda says she doesn’t care if he quits.

I mean, yeah, Timothy is a total weirdo, with the sustainability and unicorns and whatever. And he did remake their design without her input. But the minute she lost it, he practically fell over himself to please her. And it sounds like he took her advice about the stripes. It takes a certain person and level of hatred to talk about people and continue to do so when they’re in the room, and then when they leave because they’re upset, to continue to say shit about them. It’s kicking someone when they’re down. I’m thinking about my worst enemy which was this girl that was stalking my best friend, and while I wouldn’t be particularly sorry if she heard me saying stuff about her, if she was in the room I would at least address her directly. Or shut up. It’s pretty mean at this point.

Timothy runs up some stairs with his unicorn. Miranda claims she’s tired of biting her tongue and crying because he’s an ass. He hasn’t been an ass for a while, I don’t think. She cries something about wanting permission from him to do her own thing. I don’t understand what she’s saying. Timothy reads his letter from his model, which is weird because has a model ever written a letter to their designer before? A letter which is perfectly suited to the designer’s current struggles and says things like “keep fighting” and whatever? I do not trust anything on this show. Timothy comes back to the workroom and I think someone tells him to relax but I don’t know who. Sandro is crying for some reason. He says he is too much of a perfectionist. Sue tries to suggest something but they don’t have time or something. Part of the problem is Sandro is a pessimist and he doesn’t have the social skills to not be a jerk. Sue interviews that she just made herself the assistant to get through this.

Finally it is the next day. Sandro…is wearing a shiny gold shirt and denim overalls over one shoulder. Just saying. Miranda interviews that she should have gone to Timothy instead of saying shit about him in the sewing room. She does tell him she was rude and a total asshole. She doesn’t say “I’m sorry” and he doesn’t say “It’s OK.” Actually he attacks her about how he was only nice to her or something. Miranda says she’ll need therapy. So…there was an admittance of guilt but no actual apology and no forgiveness. Pointless. Hot makeup guy Scott. Tim gives the 10 minute warning. Miranda finally says she doesn’t want to lose so it doesn’t matter if she hates Timothy or not. Sue doesn’t like what she and Sandro have but at least it’s finished.

Heidi reminds us that there was a froyo part of this stupid challenge and there were supposed to be words to be inspired by. Have you heard a single word out of anyone’s mouth? No. It was just a product placement to get some money. Guest judge is Kelly Osbourne. Bradon and Karen: lots of vinyl, in blue and green. There is a big poof on one hip, and then the opposite shoulder is fabric in brown with another poof in pink. It’s just a basic sheath dress otherwise. I don’t know, vinyl isn’t that great. It’s cute though. The poofs are on opposite sides of her body. Dom and Alexandria: it’s a short dress with long sleeves in blue, with a shawl collar. On the collar (like a band around her shoulders) there are eyes, and then lower down is a mouth. She looks like Domokun but in blue. On closer inspection it’s two pieces, a top and then a polka dot skirt that is still pretty short. Sandro and Sue: a vinyl dress with a big full short skirt and a handkerchief hem. The top is sleek, a sleeveless bodice with a round neckline. The skirt is multiple layers of vinyl that is full but it covers her crotch anyway. And a green belt.

Helen and Kate: their whole look appears to be made out of red sombreros. The skirt is very sculptural, with the brims of hats making layers so it’s full but also has tiers. The top is strapless but it sticks up so that it looks like there are straps. And they centered the top so the circular part of the top of a sombrero is right in the center of the bodice. It’s very “fashion” but I like it. Alexander and Justin: skirt below the knee, vinyl, with a peplum. The top has green and more of the blue that matches the skirt. But the top has a weird cutout right over her belly button, and then a keyhole on her chest. The bottom of the skirt has a bunch of green fringe, and is slightly looser than the rest of the skirt. Kind of a mermaid shape but not floor-length. The shoulders have fringe or tabs or something for texture. Jeremy and Ken: tight blue vinyl pants and a crop top in tan. And a vest in shades of brown and horizontal strips. It looks like real clothes, except for the shiny blue pants. Miranda and Timothy: blue vinyl dress with a mullet hem. It’s fine. In the bodice there are two almond-shaped panels in a darker blue like alien eyes. Then Timothy’s woven yellow sleeveless vest.

Bradon and Karen, Ken and Jeremy, and Sandro and Sue are called out as safe. Of course Sandro is safe. Actually, to be fair, their dress was fine. Of course then Sandro ruins it by saying their success was due to Sue listening to him because of course a woman should listen to a man. Asshat. Kate and Helen, and Alexandria and Dom are the high scores today. So they stick around. Dom and Alexandria had “playful” as one of their words, hence the face. It’s totally fun, there’s a mustache, and the styling is perfect. The model has two high ponytails that are wound to make antennae. Like knobs. Nina loves the styling. Dom says it’s Alexandria’s design. Alexandria owns it, saying she knows if they had hated the monster face she would be going home. Kate says there’s a kite in their dress somewhere. Helen gushes about how Kate taught her a lot, including about time management which she’s struggled with. Heidi thinks it’s an art piece. It’s high fashion but still fun. I do really like this look. It’s eye-catching and doesn’t look like cut-up sombreros. Kate says Helen should win because she made it more artistic.

Justin talks about their vinyl. There is too much going on, and then when she turns around, the skirt is gathered right under her ass, with a bit of green in case you missed it, and a weird vertical seam. Hot mess. There is too much going on. Nina says with the unconventional challenge, you can go chic, or you can go kitsch. And they tried to do both. That’s an excellent observation. The top turns out to be a jacket, over a simple tank top in different colors. Without a peplum and weird keyholes it looks much better. Justin and Alexander won’t say who should go home. Timothy gives Miranda some credit for the dress and says they’re proud of it. Heidi is bored. She hates the vest thing that Timothy made. Zac says “deflated pool toy”. He hates the vest too. Kelly wishes it was in black and white. Miranda says she’s responsible for the draping, and then she admits she was a total bitch in the sewing room. It takes a lot to admit that, so good for her. Timothy starts in on some weird story about how he told Miranda to be prepared to say who should go home if they’re in the bottom (because clearly he’s seen the show) and then she was offended and then some weird story about the Titanic and he’s putting life boats on the Titanic. So I was prepared to dismiss this as another weird story, but THEN! Then Timothy says “If I had been working with a stronger designer, um, I actually draped the skirt, and she was fighting me the whole time, she was not trusting this team effort, and I was ready to go at this because I was not ready to go home.” Jerk. He says he was “abandoned.” Look, when someone apologizes for being an asshole, and you don’t believe them, you kind of have to let it go. You just threw her under the bus, when she did not say one word about how you are a weirdo. The judges look uncomfortable, and Heidi is all “Miranda, your turn” but Miranda says she is not going to be like him. Burn. Timothy continues to talk about what a bitch Miranda was yesterday, and he’s kind of losing ground here. She admitted she was a bitch. You can’t go on and on about it. You have to forgive her and be the bigger person, even if you don’t want to. If you say you forgive her and shut up about it, then you look great in comparison. Harping on how much she sucks just brings you down to her level. Heidi finally kicks them out.

In the Scrap Bin Alexander tells everyone how yesterday’s drama came out on stage, and Miranda says she feels awful for what she did yesterday. If you recall, that’s pretty much what she said this morning. Timothy just snits that “that’s not how you came across”, but that’s probably due to his not letting it go. Miranda is awesome and says she was wrong, she tried to tell him, but instead he threw her under the bus and that just makes him look like the asshole. It’s true. Timothy responds (without making eye contact) that he was so upset that he didn’t realize he was doing exactly what she did to him yesterday. Oh, I think he realized. Miranda claims she just wants him to be successful (debatable) and Timothy says he didn’t believe her (believable). He does apologize.

The judges LOVE Kate and Helen’s design. They also love Alexandria and Dom’s humor and how their design and how well-thought-out it is. Tim admits that when he saw Justin and Alexander yesterday, they didn’t have the jacket and the skirt didn’t have the fringe, and he told them they needed more. He feels bad. Heidi picks at the jacket and literally pulls a piece off it. No one seems to like Timothy’s vest. The judges seem to agree that Timothy and Miranda are the worst by far. The vest is terrible, and Timothy has been in the bottom every single challenge. The dress is bad too, though.

Helen is the winner. Good for her. She also gets immunity. It is the coolest shit ever. Alexandria and Dom are in. Alexander and Justin are in. Timothy is out. Huh. That is not what I expected. I expected several more weeks of unicorn boy. Heidi claims to be sad and that the judges like his point of view. Timothy thinks Heidi said “We’re all supporting you” which I don’t think is what they said. He says he learned everything he wanted to. Whatever, dude. Then he literally says, “I should have danced more.” Oh yeah. I’m tired of Timothy. For once the judges used some logic. They didn’t like the design, and Timothy said both the vest and the skirt were his idea. Tim talks about how extraordinary he is too. Whatever.

Next week: Jesse Tyler Ferguson, “a bow tie challenge”, lots of yelling. Sandro yells and then walks out and possibly punches a camera.