Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Top Chef 2/25/09--"Finale pt. 2" summary

Previously on Top Chef: the first part of the finale took place in New Orleans. Bravo thought it would be great if they let one of the eliminated contestants back on the show to compete with the people that actually made the final. Jeff won the Quickfire and was then told that he had to win the Elimination challenge in order to stay in the competition. Even though he made some decent food, apparently his sterno cans flavored everything and he didn’t win. Carla made the most fantastic food ever, if you listen to what the judges say, and she won the challenge and a car. It looked sketchy for Stefan for a minute but in the end Fabio went home because his food just wasn’t right. Now no one is left to give good sound bites. (click for more)

And another thing. How many “extended” episodes did we have this season? And the damn FINALE isn’t extended? What the hell Bravo?


Everyone is excited to be in the finale. Are you surprised? The final 3 have breakfast on a paddleboat, where they chit-chat over coffee and beignets about how exciting it is. It’s the usual discussion about how important this is, aside from Stefan, who takes this opportunity to tell us his food in the last challenge was way better than Hosea’s. Yeah. Eventually they end up at the New Orleans Collection Museum, meeting Padma and Tom. The knife block is there. Each of them must make a 3 course meal, serving head to head, making whatever they want. Tom also reminds them that they don’t have to do dessert if they don’t want. I’m thinking with only 3 courses they may pass on that. The cooking will be done at Commander’s Palace. 12 judges and guests. 2 hours to prep and 3 to cook tomorrow. Of course there is a twist and some sous chefs to help out. Carla understands that they wouldn’t bring back eliminated contestants again, since they already did that. 3 figures show up under the archway and it takes forever for them to get into the light and we see it’s Marcel, Casey, and Richard. Lord. Marcel has giant 70’s sunglasses on. God he looks like a tool. The knife block is for pecking order. Hosea picks Richard (who looks like a woman today, sorry, but I look at him and think “lesbian”), Stefan picks Marcel (Jesus H. Christ that combo), so Carla gets Casey.

At the Audubon Tea Room everyone starts collecting ingredients. Hosea grabs like 3 foie gras, but Stefan is too slow to figure this out until Hosea is across the kitchen. He demands that Hosea bring them back so he can have 2. Wait…Hosea took all 3 livers, and Stefan claims he took them first so he wants 2, which would leave Hosea with one. I think. Hosea is all, finders keepers, dude, and gives him one. Heh. Stefan continues to bitch, so Hosea offers to split one with him so they each have 1.5, but Stefan gets martyred and is like, whatever keep it. That was so pointless. Richard takes scallops out of a can. No, seriously, it’s a can that says “oceans alive scallops” on the side. Hosea only has the barest outline of courses (raw fish, scallops and foie gras, and game) and he claims he’ll figure it out tomorrow. That doesn’t sound promising. Stefan is now realizing Richard and Hosea took all the caviar. Was he asleep or something? Why didn’t he grab anything he wanted? Carla is making French food and something comforting. Casey tells her to sous vide something, which Carla hasn’t done before. Stefan is making “basic” food which probably is killing Marcel. He doesn’t get to talk, Marcel. Hosea ominously interviews that they can’t screw up or forget anything.

Commercial interlude: Bravo has hired a “voodoo tarot card reader” according to Carla, to amuse everyone. Stefan wants to know about Jamie. That is disgusting, you tool. Then he says he stabbed his voodoo dolls of Hosea and Carla. See, that was amusing, while still lusting after Jamie is gross.

When everyone shows up for work in the morning, Tom is there with a giant platter with an alligator. Oh, there’s some other stuff too, but probably everyone only saw the alligator. There’s one more course coming. Why couldn’t they tell them this yesterday? I’m all for the random “make food out of this crazy” challenge, but why does it have to be sprung on people last minute? Everyone has to make an appetizer for a tray pass before dinner. Someone gets crab, someone gets redfish, and someone gets the alligator. To decide, we have…not the knife block, but a king cake. (Me and Kmanpat, in unison: “Don’t cut the baby!”) Whoever gets the baby not only gets to pick their protein, but they also assign the other chefs’ proteins. Everyone gets their sector and commences eating. Hosea wins. King Hosea. He takes the redfish, giving Carla crab and Stefan alligator. You knew that was happening. In confessional he flips Stefan off and laughs. Stefan seems annoyed but resigned, like he knew as soon as he saw that alligator that he was getting stuck with it.

Frantic cooking begins. Carla shrieks because the crabs have pinched her. She’s making soup for her appetizer, as is Stefan. Hosea is serving corn cakes with blackened redfish on top as his appetizer. We get a peek at his whole menu: trio of sashimi, scallops and foie gras with pain perdu, venison loin with wild mushrooms. Pain perdu is like French toast. He says dessert is not his strong point. Stefan, in addition to alligator soup, will serve halibut and salmon carpaccio with microgreens, squab with braised red cabbage and schupfnudeln, and ice cream and chocolate mousse with vanilla syrup and lollipops. Schupfnudeln are potato noodles. (Kmanpat: “Gesundheit”). Stefan has liquid nitrogen, and I hope he let Marcel play with it. Carla has crab soup, seared snapper with saffron aioli and brioche crouton, sous vide NY strip steak with a potato rod and merlot sauce, and cheese tart with apple coins and marmalade. However, Casey suggests a soufflé instead of a tart. Casey is full of ideas…I don’t know how I feel about that. Stefan wants to freeze his carpaccio to slice it thinly, and Marcel is very confused about why you would freeze good fish.

Guests begin to arrive, and are immediately greeted with cocktails. Aside from the usual judges, I manage to spy Fabio (yay!), Rocco (boo!), and also John Besh (who you may have seen most recently on “Next Iron Chef”). Those are just the people I recognize on sight. Other judges include Ti Martin, who owns Commander’s Palace, and Susan Spicer, owner of Daytona, and Hubert Keller. Hosea has plated his blackened redfish on corn cake with Creole remoulade and micro cilantro and corn shoots on upside down tall shot glasses. They look cool, especially since Richard helped him and something is (lightly) smoking on each one. When the waiter passes them out he leaves the shot glasses too. The judges seem to enjoy all of it. Stefan has alligator soup with celeriac, parsley leaves, and puff pastry, in cappuccino mugs. They like this one too. Damn, Toby is there. Carla’s “soup” is in Chinese soup spoons. Sigh. I say “soup” in quotes because even though it says shiso soup with blue crab and chayote Thai salsa, it isn’t very soupy. Oo, Branford Marsalis! Sorry, distracted. They like that you can taste the crab.

Someone decides to plate in the walk-in. I think it’s Richard and Hosea, with the sashimi. Everyone gets introduced as they serve the first course. It’s pretty swanky, lots of big names. Stefan managed to claim some caviar for his Carpaccio, which looks…fuzzy. Carla’s snapper has a grilled clam for some reason. It’s busy. Hosea’s dish gets more detail: tuna, hamachi and black bass with fennel oil, citrus and fried tempura batter bits. A lot of people praise Carla’s dish, but Tom’s comment is cut like he said something nice and then something not nice. Hosea didn’t have enough salt. Stefan froze the fish and it’s watery (only Tom seems to think that). Toby says Stefan and Hosea made perfectly executed dishes that were boring, while Carla’s dish had personality.

Round 2. Stefan’s squab has grape jus and looks fantastic. Carla’s dish is odd looking, but, steak. Hosea’s scallop and foie gras has apple preserves and foie gras foam and candied pecans. Foie gras foam? Nasty. Carla’s meat is tough and it has no soul. The squab is excellent, but Gail can’t stop eating Hosea’s dish. Rocco is complaining about not wanting any more foie gras, and there is a great shot of Gail bopping her head like she is singing “LA LA LA” in her head to drown him out. Branford says he could eat foie gras all day.

Round 3. But before that, Carla watches her soufflés in the oven window and realizes she didn’t turn the oven down, so her soufflés boiled over and curdled. She won’t serve them, but she’s pretty bummed. Stefan’s ice cream is stracciatella flavored and the lollipop is vanilla. So when I searched for “stracciatella” the first results that come up are for “Roman-style egg drop soup” which is pretty confusing. But it’s also vanilla gelato with chocolate shavings. Poor Carla is only serving an apple tartlet with blue cheese and walnuts. It’s all Casey’s fault. The marmalade is kumquat, and Carla tells everyone her soufflé failed. Hosea’s pan roasted venison is served on chestnut and celery root puree, with blackberry demiglace and carbonated blackberries. Gail is relieved that something happened and Carla didn’t just get lazy on her third course. Stefan’s whole set of dishes was good, but Tom is under impressed with the dessert. Gail thinks the presentation is dated. It is kind of “eh”. Hosea’s dish is well done. Stefan’s final impression isn’t exciting. It kills Fabio to say, but he thinks Hosea did a better job with his last course. Hubert Keller is almost insulted that Hosea didn’t take a risk and push himself with a dessert, because this is “Top Chef”. Huh? Chefs don’t bake. Most of them.

Carla is worried but she knows that she put her heart and soul into her food. Hosea is proud of his food too. Stefan is the only one to express doubt and say it’s up to the judges. Looks like Stefan just won.

The “Top Chef” reunion will be next week at 9/8 Central, in case you were wondering. Andy Cohen will get on my last nerve and he’ll make Hosea and Leah talk about themselves. But you probably already knew that.

As I am at this point a friend of mine just instant messaged me a comment about the winner. THANKS FOR NOTHING. Judges’ table time. Carla is up first, and they praise her up until the sous vide, which made for poor texture and “anemic” food according to Toby. They ask how much Casey helped her, and she admitted that the sous vide and also the soufflé were her idea. She let Casey talk her out of the food that got her there, and also if you’ll notice the two things that failed were all Casey’s idea. Hosea is up next. He wanted big flavors. He also admits it was fun to stick Stefan with the alligator. Toby wanted more citrus in the sashimi. His second course was very well balanced and his best dish. The venison was also earthy and his dish looks so tasty. Maybe because I am hungry. Toby tries to get him to admit he can’t make a dessert, but Hosea just says he went with his strengths and it was only three courses. When Gail brings up the watery carpaccio that Stefan served, he is just like, did it taste good? As if that would make watery fish not matter. Luckily for us Tom jumps in and says no, it did not taste good. The squab gets praise and Tom calls it the strongest dish of the night. Stefan talks about how dessert ends the meal, and Gail asks if that dessert is the last thing he wants the judges to taste, and he says yes. They ask everyone why they should win, and Stefan says he is great and the best, and Hosea and Carla talk about putting themselves in their food. Carla starts to cry. Poor girl.

The judges’ deliberations start off right away with the elimination of Carla. You guys. Car curse. Stefan and Hosea come from different places, but both have their strengths. Stefan’s menu was better thought out, but his carpaccio was not well executed. His squab was the clear winner for that course, but the dessert was “pedestrian at best”. And that comment is from Padma. Hosea’s menu was thought out, and was an excellent progression from light to heavy. Gail thinks Stefan was more precise, but Hosea had more soul. Toby pipes up that if they’re giving it to the chef with the most soul they should give it to Carla. Hee. Toby’s blog says he and Tom had a giant argument about this, and Toby lost.

Tom praises everyone for doing so well, and says the decision was made based on how well the meal tasted overall from start to finish. Congratulations to Hosea! Stefan thinks if he had made another dessert he could have won. He also claims not to be bitter. Carla regrets not doing her food, but she’s very proud of competing with love. Hosea is extra glad to have kicked Stefan’s ass. Leah comes to give him a kiss but I think he dodges her a little bit. Ha.

Reunion next week!

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Monday, February 23, 2009

TAR14, Recap Leg 2, 2/22/09

Welcome to Leg 2! Last time, on Don’t Let That Cheese Hit Me! (Toyouke: “Hee.”) teams raced from Los Angeles to Locarno, Switzerland. The Hicks fell behind, while Team ASL flew to the top. The Flight Attendants can’t seem to follow directions, but it was Preston and Jennifer that fell apart faster than the traditional cheese carriers, and were eliminated. Who will be eliminated. . . next? (click for more)

(Toyouke: “Now is the time for ‘Amazing Race theme: Club Remix’”)

Arrival at the pit stop last episode:
1st – Margie/Luke, Team ASL, arrived at 2:56 PM
2nd – Tammy/Victor, Team Asian, arrived at 2:57 PM
3rd – Mark/Michael, The Stuntmen, arrived at 2:59 PM
4th – Mel/Mike, Team Rainbow, arrived at 3:18 PM
5th – Amanda/Kris, Team YDC, arrived at 3:47 PM
6th – Brad/Victoria, The Ohio Team, arrived at 3:56 PM
7th – Jaime/Cara, Team Brunette, arrived at 3:59 PM
8th – Kisha/Jen, Team Black, arrived at 4:02 PM
9th – Steve/Linda, The Hicks, arrived at 4:04 PM
10th – Christie/Jodi, Team Blonde, arrived at 4:12 PM


Post Office, Stechelberg, Switzerland

2:56 AM Margie/Luke (1st)
Clue: Fly from Zurich, Switzerland to Munich, Germany! Once you arrive, drive yourselves to the town of Ruhpolding and take the cable car to the mountaintop to receive your next clue. You have $585 for this leg of the race.

2:57 AM Tammy/Victor (2nd) – who ask for a cell phone to book a flight.

2:59 AM Mark/Michael (3rd) – Michael: “We’re just going to chill on the way to the airport.” Oh, and I hear the Rattlesnakes of Discontent rattling.

3:18 AM Mel/Mike (4th) – who ask for a cell phone to book a flight. Oh, and Mel has an injured groin. So many ways for me to take this. (Toyouke: “And yet, you’re done.”)

3:47 AM Amanda/Kris (5th) – who ask for a cell phone to book a flight.
3:56 AM Brad/Victoria (6th) – who ask for a cell phone to book a flight.
3:59 AM Jaime/Cara (7th) – who ask for a cell phone to book a flight.
4:02 AM Kisha/Jen (8th) – who ask for a cell phone to book a flight.
4:04 AM Steve/Linda (9th) – who ask for a cell phone to book a flight. Oh and Steve is apologetic. (Toyouke: “It's kind of touching that the hick is sad for being a jerk.”)
4:12 AM Christie/Jodi (10th) – who ask for a cell phone to book a flight. But are thwarted by everyone else.

Teams arrive at Zurich International Airport in the following order:

1-Margie/Luke
2-Tammy/Victor
3-Mark/Michael
4-Mel/Mike
5- Amanda/Kris
6- Brad/Victoria
7- Jaime/Cara
8- Kisha/Jen
9- Steve/Linda
10- Christie/Jodi


Teams choose flights to Munich. Actually, most folks have called ahead, and have gotten on the earlier 7:10 AM flight on Swiss Air. However, Margie/Luke and Christie/Jodi race to get the last pair of tickets, and Team ASL wins out. So the flights shake down:

SwissAir, 7:10 AM
1) Jaime/Cara
2) Kisha/Jen
3) Steve/Linda
4) Margie/Luke
5) Mel/Mike
6) Brad/Victoria
7) Amanda/Kris
8) Tammy/Victor

Lufthansa, 8:45 AM
1) Christie/Jodi
2) Mark/Michael


So, teams arrive in Munich in the following order:

1- Tammy/Victor
2- Amanda/Kris
3- Margie/Luke
4- Jaime/Cara
5- Mel/Mike
6- Kisha/Jen
– who proceed to get lost going to Ruhpolding.
7- Brad/Victoria
8- Steve/Linda
9- Christie/Jodi
10- Mark/Michael


Teams then drive themselves to Ruhpolding. So teams arrive at the cable cars in the following order:

1- Tammy/Victor
2- Amanda/Kris
3- Margie/Luke
4- Jaime/Cara
5- Mel/Mike
6- Brad/Victoria
7- Steve/Linda
8- Kisha/Jen
9- Christie/Jodi
10- Mark/Michael


Teams take cable cars to the top in the following groups:

Car 1
1- Tammy/Victor

Car 2
1- Amanda/Kris
2- Margie/Luke
3- Jaime/Cara
4- Mel/Mike


Car 3
1- Brad/Victoria

Car 4
1- Steve/Linda

Car 5
1- Kisha/Jen
2- Christie/Jodi

Car 6
1- Mark/Michael


Teams arrive at the top of the mountain and arrive at the clue box in the following order:

1- Tammy/Victor
2- Amanda/Kris
3- Jaime/Cara
4- Margie/Luke
5- Mel/Mike
6- Brad/Victoria
7- Steve/Linda
8- Kisha/Jen
9- Christie/Jodi
10- Mark/Michael


And teams come to the second roadblock.

ROADBLOCK:
Who’s ready to fly like an eagle?

In this roadblock, one team member must run off the mountain and tandem paraglide 6000 feet to a marker on the ground. The other team member must take the cable car back to the base of the mountain and wait for their team member to arrive. If wind conditions make it unable to paraglide, teams may wait for conditions to improve or hike a 60 minute path to the bottom of the mountain.

The following team members complete the Roadblock.

1- Tammy – who arrives just as the winds change, preventing everyone from paragliding right away.
2- Kris
3- Cara
4- Margie
5- Mel
– who knows he can’t walk to the bottom without pulling his groin. So he waits. Mel: “I can’t pray for God to intervene.” God: “Wait? What? Did the preacher say he’s going to wait until I’m out of the tub? How nice! Let me turn off the mountain fan.” Mike: “It’s a miracle, the winds improved!”
6- Victoria
7- Linda
– who makes a wrong turn, ends up on a road, and gets a nice passer by to drive her BACK to the bottom of the mountain to find her partner.
8- Jen
9- Christie
10- Mark


After much walking to the bottom of the hill, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Tammy/Victor
2- Margie/Luke
3- Amanda/Kris
4- Brad/Victoria
5- Mel/Mike
– Mike: “If you had walked, I was worried that I’d find your bones in the hinterland of Germany 5 years later.”
6- Mark/Michael
7- Jaime/Cara
8- Kisha/Jen
9- Christie/Jodi
– Jodi: “We need to drive ourselves to that word.”
10- Steve/Linda – Linda: “Oh God, he’s going to hate me now.” (Toyouke: “ That’s kinda heartbreaking.”)


And that word happens to be Schönan Am Königssee, 25 miles away. Teams arrive and get their next clue in the following order.

1- Tammy/Victor
2- Amanda/Kris
– Amanda: “That was one of the most fun tasks I’ve gotten to done.” (Auburnium513: “Speaking isn’t her strong suit.”)
3- Mel/Mike
4- Margie/Luke
5- Brad/Victoria
6- Jaime/Cara
7- Kisha/Jen
8- Mark/Michael
9- Christie/Jodi
10- Steve/Linda

And we get the Detour Clue.

DETOUR:
Bohemian Dolly OR Austrian Folly
*Bohemian Dolly: Teams must travel along a 2 mile obstacle course on a Segway. Once complete, teams get their next clue.
*Austrian Folly: Teams must run to a nearby tent where they throw Schlag Pies at a target. However, as the title quotes, the target is your partner’s face. Once a team finds a pie with cherry filling, they get their next clue from the bandleader. (Toyouke: “So much entertainment for the locals.” Auburnium513: “And this is a bad thing?”)

1-Tammy/Victor choose Austrian Folly
2-Amanda/Kris choose Austrian Folly
3-Mel/Mike choose Bohemian Dolly
4-Margie/Luke choose Austrian Folly
5-Brad/Victoria choose Austrian Folly
6-Jaime/Cara choose Bohemian Dolly
7-Kisha/Jen choose Bohemian Dolly
8-Mark/Michael choose Bohemian Dolly
9-Christie/Jodi choose Austrian Folly
10-Steve/Linda choose Austrian Folly


Teams complete the detour in the following order:

1- Tammy/Victor
2- Amanda/Kris
3- Mel/Mike
4- Margie/Luke
5- Brad/Victoria
6- Jaime/Cara
7- Mark/Michael
8- Kisha/Jen
9- Christie/Jodi
– (Auburnium513: “Never have two skinny blondes been so excited to find rich cherry filling.”)
10- Steve/Linda

Teams are now instructed to travel by foot and find the “Holzsager”, or the Tyrolean Woodcutters, who cut teams a piece of wood, on which their next clue will be stamped. They arrive in the following order:

1- Tammy/Victor
2- Amanda/Kris
– Kris: “My hair is like Something About Mary times ten.”
3- Mel/Mike
4- Margie/Luke
5- Brad/Victoria
6- Jaime/Cara
7- Mark/Michael
8- Kisha/Jen
9- Christie/Jodi
– who get lost, meet a horse, and find a piece of wood.
10- Steve/Linda

Teams read the stamp on the wood and find that they must now drive themselves to Austria and find the Schloss Hellbrunn in Salzberg, the PIT STOP of the second leg of this racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive MAY be eliminated!

1- Tammy/Victor – who each win a hybrid go kart.
2- Mel/Mike – who try to climb the fence to get in. They get an eyebrow pop for that. (Toyouke: “That was almost as hilarious as swimming to the pit stop.” Auburnium513: “It's like that Far Side comic that has the kid at the school for the gifted pushing on the door that says ‘pull’.” Kmanpat: “You mean Midvale?” Toyouke: “You WOULD know that.”)
3- Amanda/Kris
4- Margie/Luke
5- Brad/Victoria
6- Jaime/Cara
– who arrive at the pit stop 14 hours after the leg started. . . which is probably 9:15 pm, if they mean the time that the teams arrived in Germany. But that’s still a long time for a leg.
7- Kisha/Jen
8- Mark/Michael
9- Christie/Jodi
10- Steve/Linda

And Steve and Linda are eliminated. But they still love each other and they are supportive of each other.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Tammy/Victor
2nd – Mel/Mike
3rd – Amanda/Kris
4th – Margie/Luke
5th – Brad/Victoria
6th – Jaime/Cara
7th – Kisha/Jen
8th – Mark/Michael
9th – Christie/Jodi


Next week: Romania! Gymnastics! (Kmanpat: “There’s men! Men in TIGHTS! Tight tights!”) Amanda and Kris lose their Amazing Fanny Pack. But since we know who it is this time, they will probably recover. Oh, and Tammy and Victor melt down. Until next time!
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Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Top Chef 2/18/09--"Finale pt. 1" summary

Previously on Top Chef: everyone made eggs for Wylie Dufresne. Apparently people who didn’t use enough eggs got in trouble for that, but then Carla won the Quickfire by making green eggs and ham. I don’t know. Then after that everyone made food for very famous chefs, that for some reason were on a cable reality show. Each chef was asked what his or her “last supper” would be, and that was the task. Fabio dislocated his pinky finger but still managed to win with roast chicken. Stefan overcooked his salmon, but still squeaked by. Hosea tried to get creative with shrimp scampi, but apparently didn’t get creative enough. His chef liked her last meal, though, so she was fine. Carla did almost as well as Fabio, but it was Leah who went home. Partially for her hollandaise, which she made just fine during the Quickfire, so who knows what happened. (click for more)

We start out in New Orleans, so I guess you don’t get to see anyone say goodbye to each other. Hosea shows up first…he’s been studying Cajun cooking and whatnot. Fabio grabs his bag, and he’s sporting both an almost-Mohawk and a bright pink scarf. Does it get cold enough in New Orleans for scarves? Carla dances to a band. Of course, because she is the crazy one. In her interview she has her hair pulled back and I think she should wear her hair back like that all the time. Stefan talks about Team Euro and how he isn’t a loser. As they drive through New Orleans Carla tells about how New Orleans is full of culture and food. Stefan has a suitcase full of gumbo.


The van drops them off at Houmas House plantation. Emeril Lagasse is there. My sister is now boycotting this show forever, so great is her hatred for Emeril. I like him slightly better than Rocco, but not by much. (Kmanpat: “Rocco is cuter.”) Behind Emeril, Padma, and Tom there are only 3 tables. Padma and Emeril talk for a little bit about food and now it is time for the Quickfire. Padma tells them they can relax and enjoy some Southern hospitality. Everyone looks scared out of their wits. “Because you won’t be competing.” Jigga-wha? However, these three chefs will: Jamie, Jeff and Leah. What is going on? Stefan has a similar reaction. Those three don’t know what’s going on either. Tom starts to say how it’s been a close season, and I just figured it out. It’s the Outcast challenge. Winner gets to return to competition. Lame. This isn’t like “Survivor” where a good player can go out because they are too good. Jamie claims to have known what was up. Fabio agrees with me, and Hosea isn’t thrilled about Leah either. Winner of the Quickfire gets to join the elimination challenge. This is BS. The only finalist who isn’t pissed is Carla. At least, she doesn’t act pissed.

One hour to create a dish with crawfish. Leah’s never used crawfish. Dildo Beach Club says something. I don’t really care. I didn’t like it when “Project Runway” did it with Angela and Crazy Vincent, and I don’t like it now. They don’t even account for past dishes during judgment! How can you give people a second chance?

Leah: crawfish soup with andouille sausage. During cooking she claimed to be making a gumbo, but I guess she was clever enough not to call it that. Jeff: crawfish and grits with andouille and beer. Jamie: corn cake, greens, poached egg with tasso, andouille and crawfish cream sauce. Tasso is a type of ham. She also put the crawfish head on the plate, which means non-edible garnish. Points off.

Emeril says that everyone is a winner, but the person returning is Jeff. Well, at least it’s not Leah. Padma says that in order to make it to the finale, he has to win. At least that’s fairly unlikely. Tonight they get to go to the hotel and hang out. Oh, and also Jeff win’s Emeril’s new book. Woo. Dinner will be at Delmonico, one of Emeril’s restaurants. The hotel is swank, of course, and everyone gets dressed up and has a nice dinner. Lots of interviews about how important winning will be for everyone. Even Carla is pretty calm. Hosea and Jeff get into a discussion about the fish, where Hosea tries to validate his job in a seafood restaurant by knowing more than Jeff. Then Stefan jumps in to say more stuff, so Hosea makes a face and complains about how Stefan bugs him. Nothing worse than trying to be the smart one and having someone else butt in to be smarter than you. I should know. Stefan’s T-Shirt in confessional says “Nothing Tips Like a Cow.” Hee. He promises a slaughter.

In the morning everyone comes to a warehouse that has signs about Mardi Gras, and inside are giant kick-ass floats. Tomorrow, the Krewe of Orpheus will host their annual masquerade ball at the New Orleans Museum of Art. Everyone has to make two dishes and one cocktail for about 100 people. One dish must be Creole. They’ll get 5 hours to prep and cook, and then 1 hour to set up before the party. Prep will be at Delmonico, and Emeril says his kitchen is fully stocked, so are they not going shopping? Padma tells Jeff that if he wins, two chefs will be eliminated, so there will be a final 3. Then a car rolls up. Winner gets the car. Really? A car? Car curse anyone?

Commercial interlude. Stefan tells everyone about Fabio in a blond wig and a thong for Halloween. Apparently Fabio is always a woman for Halloween. He says you have to have balls to dress as a woman, and Hosea’s response is “not too big or they won’t fit in the thong.” Hee.

No one goes shopping, they just raid Emeril’s walk-in. Hosea is making duck, andouille, and chicken gumbo, and also pecan-crusted catfish. His drink is a hurricane with Grand Marnier and rum. Tasty. Carla’s dishes are oyster stew, shrimp and andouille beignet, and a non-alcoholic cranberry spritzer. Oh Carla. Non-alcoholic? Although, the beignets sound great. Kmanpat and I went to the “International” Horseradish Festival, and there was one booth selling horseradish products and T-shirts and stuff. One booth selling Bloody Marys. And only one other booth with food that had horseradish: beignets with horseradish cream. So of course, because I watch this show, I am imagining light fried beignets with creamy horseradish sauce. Oh no, I get cold dough that was fried this morning with horseradish cream cheese. It was sad. Anyways, where was I? Oh yes. Carla has to shuck all her oysters. Stefan’s menu: duck and rabbit gumbo with grits (wait, that sounds better than the beignets), an apple beignet, and a black cherry and rum cocktail. Jeff is making sausage from scratch to go with a fried oyster, and also a crawfish pot de crème (like a custard-y quiche-y thing, I think), and a cucumber mojito. Hosea and Jeff tell Fabio that this would have been the first season without a Mohawk but he screwed it up. Really? Because there have been a lot of fauxhawks but the only real Mohawk I’ve seen was on “Hell’s Kitchen”. Fabio’s menu is very extensive: sausage and rabbit maque choux (almost like succotash) with grits, crawfish and crab stew with caserecci pasta, muffuletta bread, and a bell pepper martini. Hosea talks about how to make a roux, and that Stefan also needs to make a roux but he’s taking a smoke break and screwing around.

Tom time! Fabio tells him he studied some flavors and dishes. Jeff is honored to be back in it. Stefan is going to fry his beignets onsite. Hosea is kind of questioning himself but he doesn’t tell Tom. Carla is trying to get the oysters open but she’s chipping shells, I think. Tom makes comments about everyone, including that Carla could steam her oysters and they’d pop right open.

Lots of scrambling and running around. Everyone has to pack up their coolers and find their tools. Carla still hasn’t shucked all her oysters. Fantastic.

Everyone gets ready for catering. There are tall tables, but no chairs, so I’m wondering how some of these dishes are going to be eaten. Gumbo isn’t exactly something you can eat and walk with. Everyone gets a bartender to serve drinks. Stefan needs another smoke break. Padma appears, with the other judges, masked. That way you don’t know Gail’s back until Padma says so. Hi Gail! Yay! And Emeril, so no more Toby.

Jeff borrows cream from Carla, and Hosea begs utensils because apparently he didn’t bring anything to serve with? Carla announces in a loud voice that everyone is borrowing stuff from her but no one has shucked any oysters. Hee.

Carla likens the ball to the whole Mardi Gras thing except you don’t have to flash anyone. Cut to Fabio who says all the masks reminded him of a porno. I don’t know either. Masks are removed to eat, apparently. For some. Jeff interviews that he is too busy to be charming. He’s up first. The fried oyster has arugula. The mojitos are really green, but that is the extent of the judges’ comments. Stefan is up next. The grits/gumbo thing doesn’t look as good as I pictured it. It’s in this little square cup. Eh. The beignets come with pecan brittle. The roux isn’t dark enough for natives, but the flavor is there. Fabio can’t afford to be stressed. He’s labeled his drink a “trinitini”. Bell pepper, lime juice, grapefruit, and black rum. That sounds pretty good. The pasta is homemade. The bread is toasted so that’s probably excellent. The maque choux isn’t spicy at all, which is bad. Carla warns people her cranberry lime spritzer has no booze. Since people have seen the show a little bit, she’s getting hootie-hoo’s from random partygoers. Her beignets have Creole aioli, and the stew looks really good. The judges rave and rave about her food. Awesome. Hosea thinks his gumbo is the most authentic. However, it contains a cornbread muffin that is pretty dark and not very appetizing. The catfish has roasted sweet potatoes, bacon, and Tabasco beurre blanc. The natives like the gumbo, as does Emeril. The chefs get a ton of beads and masks from everyone. Fabio flirts around and is charming. He’s even got masks on his arms. Stefan says Hosea’s gumbo was nasty. Right.

Judges’ table. They start with Jeff, making sure to mention that he has to win. His cocktail was the favorite, and the texture of his pot de crème was perfect. Also they praise him for making his own sausage and he manages to get a dig in at Stefan. Fabio’s dishes had his stamp on them--and then my signal cut out. So I had to wait until the repeat was almost over to try to pick up almost all the judging parts. Gail says something about wanting to taste everything individually. Padma also wanted more spice in the pasta. His drink smelled better than it tasted and it was sweet. It’s not looking good. Stefan’s grits were fantastic but the gumbo wasn’t as dark as it could have been. Also his beignet wasn’t hot enough. Tom nails him for being overconfident. Carla starts to say she thought the stew was heavy on the bay leaves, but Tom stops her. Emeril was hesitant about the mocktail but it was refreshing. Her beignets were piping hot and tasty. Hosea complains that they visited him at the end of the night and he almost ran out of food. They really liked his roux, and the fish and all the sides came together.

Gail is impressed in general with everyone’s dishes. Everyone talks about Jeff’s oyster dish and the idea behind it. In Tom’s blog he says that the real reason Jeff got in trouble was left out of the show. He used sterno to keep his oysters warm, so then they tasted like burning sterno. Tom thinks he’s in the top 3 but maybe not the winner. Carla’s dishes were home runs. The judges can’t praise her enough. Hosea’s fish wasn’t dried out, and he got praise for that and for really authentic gumbo. Stefan’s gumbo wasn’t that bad, but his cocktail was really sweet. Gail points out that his food wasn’t soulful, and he was cocky. Fabio’s moque choux would have been better over a crouton, and his pasta lacked layers of flavor. I think he also got in trouble for not making anything spicy enough. However, baking his own bread was gutsy. Tom wishes he would have rimmed the glasses with spices. Then he mentions that they’ll either lose Stefan or Fabio, both strong chefs, “and maybe both”, even though we all know that won’t happen.

Padma says that there was a clear winner, and that winner is Carla. Jeff looks sad. Padma dismisses him, and then Tom tells Hosea he’s safe. I cut back in the first time right at this point. Stefan gets slammed for being cocky, and Fabio didn’t have perfectly layered flavors. Fabio is out. Man. Who will give me stupid sound clips? He tells Stefan he’ll kick his ass if he doesn’t win. Fabio is glad he at least beat most people. Also he is sure Stefan will win. He won’t be average.

Next week: three course meal and “helpers”. Hosea and Stefan get in a fight. There is some twist. Etc.

Clicky clicky

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

TAR14, Recap Leg 1, 2/15/09

Welcome to Leg 1! We’re back to TAR after a hiatus, which, in my opinion, was a bit too long. But it’s the same old, same old, as we have careening! Los Alamos! This time, the teams arrive via United States Marine Corps helicopter at the Joint Forces Training Base. The eleven teams are: (click for more)

Christie and Jodi, AKA The Blondes, are blonde. And that’s about all they talk about. Oh, and they know how to fly. And it shows.

Tammy and Victor, AKA Team Asian are a brother and sister lawyer team. They both graduated from Harvard Law. So they’re really smart. (Kmanpat: “As I always say, Japan people are smart.”)

Margie and Luke, AKA Team Hearing Aid, are a mother and son, where the son is deaf, can’t read lips and can’t speak fluent English. Mom translates, quite well I may add.

Steve and Linda, AKA The Hicks, are from Virginia and have been married for 17 years. Steve: “We’re hicks from the sticks!”

Kisha and Jen, AKA The Blacks, are former college athletes. They want to learn how to deal with each other. (Toyouke: “Really? That’s their nickname?” Kmanpat: “They are the third female team! It’s all hair color! What color is their hair? Black!” Toyouke: “That’s about as bad as the Black family in TAR8 being African American. . .”)

Preston and Jennifer, AKA Team Dysfunction, are dating for two years from South Carolina. Jennifer loves to be in charge. But Preston says the team works best when he’s in charge. Oh, that’s going to fly over like a lead balloon.

Brad and Victoria, AKA The Ohio Team, are married for 9 years from Ohio. And they’re buff.

Mel and Mike, AKA Gay Family, are father and son. Dad is Mel White. Yes, THAT Mel White who used to write speeches for Jerry Falwell. Yes, THAT Jerry Falwell. The son wrote School of Rock. And they’re both gay. Oh, this is going to be fun. . .

Amanda and Kris, AKA The YDC, are dating for three years from San Diego. Kris: “I am 110% with this girl.” Well, that’s good. (Kmanpat: “At least they aren’t Amanda and Chris from South Dakota in Season 4. That girl had a mouth. . “)

Mark and Michael, AKA The Stuntmen, are former jockeys and brothers. They stand in for kids. Because they are both under five feet tall.

Jaime and Cara, AKA The Brunettes, are former NFL cheerleaders and are assertive young women. Apparently, that is to be read as “bitchy.”

The camera careens to the tarmac where the teams are standing where Phil gives his standard speech. There will be “a number of legs” where each team will get a “small amount of cash” and that eight of the pit stops are elimination points. We have our first eyebrow pop, and Phil tells them that their first clue is on their bags. They are to run to their bags and get in a marked car to drive themselves to the airport, and the first team to finish will win ONE MILLION DOLLARS (US$1000000)! Then oh so sexy Phil does his standard patter: “Ready? The world is waiting for you. Good luck, travel safe. GO!” Who will be eliminated . . . tonight?

Los Angeles, California

Clue: Travel to Locarno Switzerland! You may take one of two flights: Lufthansa to Zurich, which departs at 3:35 pm, or Air France to Milan, departing at 4 pm. Teams must then take a train to get to Locarno.


So, teams go to the airport. Opening credits! I only mention this because they put in a brand new font, music and layout this year. It was time for a slight revamp after 12 seasons of the other. AND, after that, magically, we’re at LAX. Well that was uneventful. Must be more fun later. Teams arrive at Los Angeles International Airport in the following order:

1-Tammy/Victor
2-Mel/Mike
3-Preston/Jennifer
4-Amanda/Kris


And everyone else shows up.

Teams choose flights to Locarno. I think. I mean, for the first time in years, they don’t show us the airline counter struggle. Which must have been uneventful. Gee, they are making my job hard this year. Thus, the flights shake down like this:

Flight 1: Lufthansa to Zurich, departs 3:35 pm
1) Tammy/Victor
2) Christie/Jodi
3) Jaime/Cara
4) Mark/Michael
5) Brad/Victoria
6) Margie/Luke

Flight 2: Air France to Milan, departs 4 pm
1) Kisha/Jen
2) Mel/Mike – Mike:
“I want the other teams to learn that my dad isn’t Cloris Leachman, but MacGyver.”
3) Amanda/Kris
4) Preston/Jennifer
5) Steve/Linda


So, here’s what we learn. Even though Air France departs and arrives second, Milan is closer to Locarno. So, then the question is, will the train from Milan move faster to Locarno?

The Amazing Red and Blue Lines – ooh, they got a makeover! – take us from Los Angeles to Zurich and Milan.

Teams arrive in their respective cities in the following order:

Zurich to Locarno
1) Tammy/Victor
2) Mark/Michael
3) Margie Luke
4) Christie/Jodi
– who, in today’s intelligent move, talk to a local woman who gets them on another train to get to Locarno faster. Good job, flight attendants!
5) Jaime/Cara
6) Brad/Victoria

Milan to Locarno
1) Kisha/Jen
2) Mel/Mike
3) Steve/Linda
4) Amanda/Kris
5) Preston/Jennifer
– who get lost and miss the first train.

And we get a new topographic map to look at. So, teams arrive in Locarno in the following order:

1- Christie/Jodi
2- Tammy/Victor
3- Margie/Luke
4- Mark/Michael
5- Brad/Victoria
6- Jaime/Cara
7- Mel/Mike
8- Kisha/Jen
9- Amanda/Kris
10- Steve/Linda
11- Preston/Jennifer

Teams are now told to race on foot to the Church of San Antonio and sign the church register to get a message from the clergyman. Then teams arrive and sign up for departures in the following order:

7:15 am
1) Christie/Jodie
2) Tammy/Victor
3) Margie/Luke
4) Mark/Michael

7:30 am
1) Brad/Victoria
2) Jaime/Cara
3) Mel/Mike

7:45 am
1) Kisha/Jen
2) Amanda/Kris
3) Steve/Linda
4) Preston/Jennifer


Teams arrive and get directions for their campsite for the evening, which apparently has lots of mosquitoes. Steve makes Linda cry over the fact that she can’t run very fast. (Toyouke: “Asshat. If you started yelling at me for being slow, I would probably stop crying and kick your ass.” Kmanpat: “Yeah, you would.”)

Time lapse, it’s morning, and Phil reminds us the order of departure.

Teams are now instructed to look at a picture and figure out where to go. (Toyouke: “A CLUE! A REAL CLUE!”) It happens to be the Verzasca Dam, and teams will get their next clue there.

Teams depart the church in the following order:

1- Mark/Michael
2- Tammy/Victor
3- Margie/Luke
4- Mel/Mike
5- Brad/Victoria
6- Christie/Jodi
– who missed the memo about the taxi park and spend more than 15 minutes looking for one.
7- Amanda/Kris
8- Jaime/Cara
– who missed the memo about the taxi park and spend more than 15 minutes looking for one.
9- Steve/Linda
10- Preston/Jennifer
11- Kisha/Jen

Teams eventually find taxis and arrive at the dam in the following order:

1- Mark/Michael
2- Tammy/Victor
3- Margie/Luke
4- Mel/Mike
5- Brad/Victoria
6- Christie/Jodi
7- Amanda/Kris
8- Jaime/Cara
9- Preston/Jennifer
10- Steve/Linda
11- Kisha/Jen


And teams come to the first roadblock.

ROADBLOCK:

Who has nerves of steel?


In this roadblock, one team member bungee 70 stories off the side of the dam in the second tallest bungee jump in the world. (Toyouke: “I'm surprised they let you jump off a dam for fear you might slam into it at some point.”)

The following team members complete the Roadblock.

1- Victor
2- Michael
3- Luke
4- Mike
5- Victoria
6- Jodi
- “Holy Mother of God!”
7- Kris
8- Jaime
9- Preston
10- Jen
11- Steve

After much swooning and jumping, teams complete the Roadblock in the following order:

1- Tammy/Victor
2- Mark/Michael
3- Margie/Luke
4- Mel/Mike
5- Brad/Victoria
6- Christie/Jodi
7- Amanda/Kris
8- Jaime/Cara
9- Preston/Jennifer
10- Kisha/Jen
11- Steve/Linda


Teams are now instructed to take the train to Interlaken and find Kleine Rugen Weise to receive their next clue.

In the process, the top four teams are now our source of entertainment, as they are all on the same train, thanks to Victor. Mel: “It’s not that we don’t trust you. It’s that we don’t trust you.” And Brad and Victoria throw off the blondes, who end up on a slower train. So, teams arrive at the Interlaken clue box in the following order.

1- Mel/Mike
2- Margie/Luke
3- Tammy/Victor
4- Mark/Michael
5- Kisha/Jen
6- Jaime/Cara
7- Brad/Victoria
8- Amanda/Kris
9- Preston/Jennifer
10- Steve/Linda
11- Christie/Jodi

Teams are now given the instruction to “join the local work force” by choosing an antique cheese rack, climb the hill to the aging shed, pick up 200 pounds (4 rounds) of cheese, and stack them at the bottom of the hill receive their next clue. The funniest scene in TAR history then plays out as “antique” cheese racks fall apart, team members slide down the hill on their rear ends, and cheese starts flying down the hill. Mel, title-quoting: “Don’t let the cheese hit me!” Victor: “You will get a wheel of cheese down the hill, even if you have to slide on your butt. . . “ And, the Amazing Editors cut to Mel, sliding on his butt. In an ingenious move, Steve the hick creates a sled out of his rack and gets 3 of the wheels down the hill in one move. (Toyouke: “As much as hick Steve is a jerk to his wife he had the best idea of how to get the cheese down the hill.”)

Teams complete the fun in the following order:

1- Margie/Luke
2- Tammy/Victor
3- Mark/Michael
– (Toyouke: “The stuntmen are like dwarves. I imagine them with beards and hammers.” Kmanpat: “They give me more of a Mario Brothers vibe. I see mustaches and pipe wrenches.”)
4- Mel/Mike
5- Amanda/Kris
6- Steve/Linda
7- Brad/Victoria
8- Jaime/Cara
9- Kisha/Jen
10- Preston/Jennifer
11- Christie/Jodi

Teams must now get themselves to the PIT STOP, the last Postal Bus Stop in Stechelberg. Teams must follow the sound of the yodelers to find the mat. This is the first pit stop in a racearoundtheworld. The last team to arrive WILL be eliminated!

1- Margie/Luke – Phil uses ASL to tell Luke (and Margie), “You are Team number 1.” And they win a trip for 2 to Puerto Vallarta. Luke is beside himself.
2- Tammy/Victor
3- Mark/Michael
4- Mel/Mike
5- Amanda/Kris
6- Brad/Victoria
– who have the only dirtless butts of the lot.
7- Jaime/Cara
8- Kisha/Jen
9- Steve/Linda
– who get lost in the parking lot looking for the yodelers.
10- Christie/Jodi – who find the yodelers pretty quickly, faster than. . .
11- Preston/Jennifer

And Preston and Jennifer get eliminated. Oh well, they’ll have more fun at the villa in Thailand than on my TV screen.

ORDER NOW:
1st – Margie/Luke
2nd – Tammy/Victor
3rd – Mark/Michael
4th – Mel/Mike
5th – Amanda/Kris
6th – Brad/Victoria
7th – Jaime/Cara
8th – Kisha/Jen
9th – Steve/Linda
10th – Christie/Jodi

Next week: Off to Germany we go! Linda gets lost in the Alps. And Margie and Luke get pies in their faces, and they are none too happy about it. Until next time . . .


Clicky clicky

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Top Chef 2/11/09--"The Last Supper" summary

Previously on Top Chef: There was a lot of fish. And Eric Ripert. Stefan showed his superiority by filleting a still-moving eel, and then copying Eric Ripert really well. He’s being cast as the “villain” but he is at least competent, unlike some people, *cough*Lisa*cough*. A lot of people flailed with filleting various fish, including Lisa who gave up. And when they had to copy an Eric Ripert original dish, Carla did surprisingly well, as did Fabio, and Stefan of course. Hosea flailed, and they ragged on him for working in a seafood restaurant. Leah completely failed, putting butter with miso when there wasn’t any kind of fat at all, and she supposedly used to be head fish cook. But Jamie went home. After complaining that she wasn’t “inspired” or whatever, and then making very salty celery. Maybe Leah will go home soon.

Stefan claims that Jamie’s leaving is “rough”. You can’t slip at this point. Leah is figuring out she needs to prove herself. We get some back story: it seems like she flunked out of college and then got a job in a restaurant and liked it. Carla also tried something else first, which was to model. Strangely I can see Carla modeling. Easily.


For the Quickfire there are a million eggs and Wylie Dufresne. Heh. It’s crazy time!! After this round, they’ll take a break and then finals will be in New Orleans this year. Wylie starts talking about “proper egg cookery” and I wonder when Gail got back. Seriously, girl is picky about her eggs. So their challenge is…make something with eggs. That is all the guidance they will get. Padma calls him an egghead which is painful. One hour to cook.

I watched this video with Gordon Ramsey talking about how to make perfect scrambled eggs, but in the end he ended up with this thick custardy stuff. It was weird looking and not that appetizing. Fabio is showing his chops by making things that look like eggs. Interesting. Hosea wants to make sushi with egg instead of nori and also deep fry eggs in tempura batter. Leah calls molecular gastronomy “cutting edge” except that I think that was a while ago. Stefan is also doing like Fabio to make things that look like eggs. Carla does not do molecular gastronomy so she’s making the first thing that comes to mind which is green eggs and ham. Heh. Near the end everyone runs around like crazy people except for Carla, whose dish is too simple according to Hosea. Carla calls herself the tortoise.

Stefan: poached egg on brioche (made in a mold so it’s square) with béarnaise and ham, and also a panna cotta (in the same shape) with sweet béarnaise and mango puree. The panna cotta has the mango in the middle so when you cut it, it oozes like a poached egg. Leah: quail egg in potato wrapping with caviar, and brioche with ricotta and bacon hollandaise. I think the brioche thing is supposed to be an “egg”. Carla: green eggs and ham with green tomato salsa and jalapeno oil. Hosea: egg white roll with salmon and asparagus, egg white sticky rice with poached shrimp and avocado, and avocado and tempura fried egg. Like, a hard-boiled egg that’s been battered and fried. Fabio: quail egg and buckwheat pancake, coconut milk panna cotta with mango puree, and lychee soup and a melon yolk in an eggshell.

Wylie didn’t like Fabio’s, because it wasn’t breakfast, and he wanted actual eggs. Fabio is pissed. Hosea’s dishes didn’t flow together enough. Leah’s “fake egg” was good but the potato ravioli was heavy and greasy. See, this is why so many people can’t understand why Leah is still around. Fabio and Hosea didn’t get slammed for cooking errors, just concept errors. Anyways, Carla’s dish was playful and Stefan has strong techniques and expert preparation. Carla wins though. Ha on Stefan. Impressive that she won without using molecular gastronomy. She stuck to one thing and did it very well.

Everyone has to draw knives for their Elimination challenge. Fabio goes first and picks a knife with “Lidia Bastianich”. I think that’s spelled right but Bravo put one of their stupid chyrons for their crappy website right over the name. Seriously, I hate their website. Anyways, Fabio knows exactly who that is and says she’s the queen of Italian cuisine in this country. Hosea gets Susan Ungaro, president of the James Beard Foundation. Stefan picks Marcus Samuelsson, but we don’t get to find out who he is at all (I looked it up, he owns Aquavit in New York and makes Scandinavian food), Leah picks Wylie himself, and that leaves Carla with Jacques Pepin. She doesn’t freak out like I would. Padma says these are all “culinary superstars” and so they asked each one what their last meal would be. Now the contestants will recreate the “last meal” for the person they picked. Awesome! Hosea thinks these are the most important judges ever. Carla will be cooking roast squab with fresh peas, Hosea is making shrimp scampi with tomatoes Provencal, Stefan has roasted salmon and spinach, Fabio is cooking roast chicken with roasted potatoes and a leafy salad, Leah has to make eggs Benedict. I find it really interesting that each of these dishes is a simple, kind of homey dish that is not fancy at all. I’m sure everyone will fancy it up, though. And the simplest dishes are the easiest to screw up. Since Carla won the Quickfire she can switch if she wants, but she refuses because she’s honored to cook for Pepin. They have $300 and then 2 hours to cook and plate.

Commercial interlude: Oo! Perilla! They all got to go out to dinner at Perilla. Harold serves everyone and chats them up. Still cute! Bye Harold!

Carla is making peas in a pod jokes. Fabio is very very confident. Shush before you jinx it! Hosea asks for rock shrimp and Stefan comes over to joke that he wants really small shrimp. Stefan and Hosea talk about beating each other (eeww, not like that) in such a way that I wonder if one of them is going home. Leah chats with Hosea like they’re a married couple shopping or something. She doesn’t want to go traditional, which, judging by the dishes…that might backfire. Seems like everyone wants as traditional as possible.

Carla lets us know that they’re staggered by 30 minutes because of serving. Leah talks about proving herself again. Stefan says there’s nothing he could possibly screw up with salmon. Hosea is also putting a twist on stuff. Everyone seems to be wondering the same thing: do you keep things traditional, or put a spin on it?

About halfway through cooking there is a big crash and cursing. Fabio says his finger went all the way back, and cracked, “and I broke my finger”. The medic splints it all up and asks if he wants to go to the hospital. “No way, hospital? I’ll chop it off and sear it on the flattop so it doesn’t bleed anymore, and tomorrow I’ll deal with my finger.” That is hardcore. Apparently what happened is he slipped on the wet floor and fell, and dislocated it.

This week’s poll asks who you want to cook your last meal: Fabio, Carla, or Hosea? I find it interesting that they think no one will want to pick Leah or Stefan. I mean, I would rather have Hosea or Fabio, but I also know that Stefan would make a delicious meal.

Fabio is now realizing that bragging that he can do stuff with one hand tied behind his back is not such a good idea. There is a lot of cursing. “I got so many kick in my ass, that sometime, when I’m in the bathroom, I still pull shoes out of my ass.” Love it. He is not going down. Carla seems to be in the “traditional” boat because she’s confused about his creative touches. Fabio doesn’t think he’d want his last meal prepared by someone on “Top Chef”. Hee. Tom comes in and tells them not to embarrass him. The judges come in, and the lighting in the dining room is so wonky. It’s all fuzzy like there’s Vaseline on the lens. Tom tells us that yes, everyone was supposed to be creative. Oops.

Leah is up first, but she thins her hollandaise sauce before serving. Carla wants two women in the final. Her dish is slow-poached egg and bacon on challah. Also a salad of mixed greens with a vinaigrette. The white is a little undercooked, and Wylie says he wouldn’t waste time with a salad on his last day. Marcus doesn’t think she has the textures down. Of course, since they made a deal about her thinning her sauce, Jacques says it’s too thin. Toby likes runny whites so he’s OK. Wylie shakes his head in disgust, hee.

Stefan is up next, and he’s of course confident. Fabio knows that if you screw up once, you’re out. Salmon with spinach two ways (creamed and plain sautéed), roasted potatoes and dill sauce. The salmon is overcooked. Ooo. All the parts are there, and the dill sauce is good, but the two kinds of spinach are indistinguishable and taste the same. There is talk of sending it back. Ouch.

Hosea goes third. Shrimp scampi with tomatoes Provencal and beurre blanc. The tomatoes are roasted with tarragon, parsley and thyme breadcrumbs. They look fantastic. Jacques wants something more traditional, with seared tomatoes, and Toby seems to agree. It looks shaky but better than Stefan’s. I think Susan liked it OK.

Fabio tries to cut up the chicken one-handed. This results in a hack job. Whole roasted chicken (with lemon inside) with herb-roasted potatoes and caramelized cipolin onions. And a leafy salad with carrots, with heirloom tomatoes, and just some olive oil and balsamic vinegar. Fabio keeps his hand behind his back as he talks. Wylie loves the chicken. Everyone loves the chicken, it can go straight into a restaurant, etc.

Carla is in the weeds as usual, and she’s freaking out about the temperature. She says she stayed true to Jacques. In the dining room Jacques is saying he picked squab because it’s comfort food, so she did well. Squab with lemon thyme butter sauce, demi glace and butter tarragon peas. The breast is slightly overcooked according to Marcus, but Susan likes it. There’s some disagreement, but the plate is very simple and she took a risk. Jacques could die like this. Excellent.

Everyone comes out and Tom says they didn’t embarrass him so good job. Everyone claps and I think the contestants are pretty moved.

Fabio jokes about his hand. Padma drags everyone to Judges’ Table, therefore the Loser Gong greets all of them. Leah didn’t cook her eggs enough, and her hollandaise was so thin the egg showed through. She was worried it would be too thick. The flavor faded out too as a result. Stefan overcooked his fish, as in, cooked it all the way through. Also no one could tell the difference between creamed spinach and the regular spinach. Toby wishes the potatoes had been crispier for some texture contrast. Susan liked Hosea’s dish, but also said it wasn’t really a scampi. It sounds like it was too different to be a scampi, but not different enough for the judges. Hosea didn’t sear his tomatoes like Jacques wanted because he thought that would be ugly and he wanted things to look refined. Jacques responds that he doesn’t want to sacrifice taste either. Burn. Fabio gets high praise for his chicken, but then they tell him Wylie called his salad an airline salad. Fabio jokes that he’s going to go shoot himself, and then Tom is like, it’s OK, airlines are always looking for good chefs, and then everyone laughs but they cut to Tom smirking all, I wasn’t kidding. I don’t know if that shot of Tom smirking goes there. Carla says the breasts were overcooked before anyone can tell her that. Jacques comes to her rescue (and Tom too) by saying that some people liked it and if you just ate it without looking, it was tender and delicious. They also loved her peas, I guess because it’s not the season but she managed to find some fresh peas.

Back in the Stew Room Hosea thinks everyone got some criticism. The winner is either Fabio or Carla. If Fabio opened a restaurant, he would be known for the chicken dish, but not the salad. They debate whether or not to account for Fabio’s hack job with the chicken. I guess they’re deciding if they should let it slide because of his finger. Hosea and Stefan tease Fabio about the salad and Stefan calls him “airplane bitch”. Fabio looks ready to cut him. Carla’s peas were delicious. Tom stretches to take issue with Carla and finally decides that she could have incorporated them more into the dish. Everyone rags on Stefan’s salmon, even though the rest of the dish was OK. Leah’s eggs weren’t cooked, but Toby doesn’t mind the hollandaise as much because he’s had too many dishes with overpowering sauce. It kind of sounds like Tom is trying to get rid of Leah because he sort of only grudgingly agrees with Toby. Toby didn’t like Hosea’s dish at all. He wasn’t traditional, but they give him some credit for being creative. He didn’t win because it wasn’t super exciting, but Tom doesn’t know if he should lose for that.

50% of you would want Carla to cook your last supper. It would be nice and comforting.

The winner tonight, by unanimous vote, is Fabio. He wins a magnum of Tarlato Angel’s Peak, and a weekend trip to the winery in Napa Valley. Carla is also told she’s in. I wouldn’t have picked her in the first episode, but I can see it now. Tom gives the same criticism we’ve heard already and pretends that all 3 deserve to go to the finals. Leah gets sent home. Finally. Oh, I like this final. Leah didn’t think it would be this hard, she’s made lifelong friends, Hosea has “one more person to do this for”. Blah. She’s learned to go with her gut, and she says she’s better than the food she’s shown us. The final four celebrate in the Stew Room. Everyone says how they’re going to win. Specifically, Hosea and Fabio promise to kick Stefan’s ass.

Next week: Emeril. What appears to be a masked ball. Hootie-hoo.

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Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Top Chef 2/4/09--"Le Bernardin"

Previously on Top Chef: Everyone pretended it was winter and that the Super Bowl was coming up. First Padma made everyone cook with oats. I’m not sure what that has to do with football. Then a bunch of people from previous seasons came back and battled everyone. I thought Andrew would do a better job being his goofy sound bite whore self. But the best part was when Stefan got to pick out who he would battle, and he picked Andrea from season 1, thinking it would be an easy win. Then she kicked his ass. Carla was judged the winner for her gumbo, and she won two tickets to the Super Bowl. Stefan, Fabio, and Jeff all lost their challenges with the “all-stars” and were up for elimination. Jeff ended up going home. (click for more)

Stefan doesn’t want to be on the bottom again. Hee. Fabio agrees. (Kmanpat: “I can change their minds about that!“) Fabio gets to call home, which is not the best sign. His wife is running the restaurant while he’s gone, and she says everything is good. He tells her he hopes that is true and he won’t come home to a burned-down restaurant and a hamburger shack that she’s put up in its place. It’s funny, but then he says that he has to win and it’s not looking good for Fabio. Sad. Hosea reminds us he’s the last American male chef. His T-shirt says “Who’s your daddy?” You are! Carla is underestimated, in her opinion.


For the Quickfire, Padma is waiting with Eric Ripert. I like him. Everyone freaks out, especially Hosea, who cooks fish. They will have a 3 round fish filleting tournament. Well, they haven’t had their usual tag team challenge yet.

Round one: sardines. They have 2 whole sardines, plus one example fish. They have 5 minutes to clean and butterfly the whole sardines. They’re such small fish that it ups the difficulty level. Hosea immediately starts worrying, because he doesn’t use such small fish. It looks to me like everyone is destroying their fish, but it might just be innards. Leah curses a lot. Carla turns in one sardine with no tail. She knows it’s jacked up. Leah did a somewhat better job, in that she got both fish done, as did Stefan. Jamie’s fish are really thin, but Fabio’s are near perfect. Hosea’s aren’t bad. Then Eric says that Leah did the best job. What? I mean…not that I can see the fish, I just find it hard to believe she did so much better than everyone when we know what happened with her fish during Restaurant Wars. Fabio also did a good job. Jamie and Carla did the worst.

Round two: Arctic char. One fish, to filet, and 5 minutes again. Jamie and Carla are already out so they’re just watching. Leah completely loses it and gives up. I mean, she was getting frustrated and saying she gave up pretty early. This is why I found it hard to believe she did so well in the last round. She only turns in one filet. Hosea rolls his eyes, pretty much. Stefan doesn’t do a perfectly clean job, but he insists he’s happy with it. Fabio didn’t cut the head cleanly and lost 3-4 ounces. Hosea does wonderfully. Leah and Fabio are cut this round. Hosea and Stefan make googly-eyes at each other. Not really, but wouldn‘t that be more entertaining?

Round three: fresh water eel. Ha. I hope they use spikes like on “Iron Chef”. Original “Iron Chef”, not the new one. They have to “peel” it and filet it. They’re dead, but recently dead, which translates to “still moving”. Hosea worries because there aren’t eels in Colorado. But Stefan says “It’s what we do in Germany.” Stefan busts out a nail and hammer, and Hosea quickly follows. Once it’s nailed down you peel the skin off like a piece of plastic. Stefan of course makes two beautiful filets and cleaned his station. Hosea did a pretty good job and was messy. Whatever. So of course Stefan wins again. He laughs about his advantage that backfired on him last time. Eric invites everyone to lunch at his restaurant Le Bernardin. I smell a trick.

Commercial interlude: Stefan…makes a dessert for everyone? And they judge it? Leah and Hosea and Fabio eat microwaved bananas and cookies or something. For all that everyone talks about hating Stefan they sure seem to be having fun. And so is Stefan but he might be drunk. Leah pretends to eat the banana peel, and Hosea criticizes him for using cookies under the bowl instead of a doily because he wants to eat the cookies. Then he licks them off the bottom of the bowl. It’s entertaining but there’s no context so I spent most of the clip trying to figure out what was going on.

Fabio says it’s a pleasure to wake up and see Hosea instead of his wife. I would like to wake up and see Fabio. Or Hosea. Everyone dresses up and is thrilled to have a feast just for them. Tom’s there too. Hosea describes the food as simple-looking but very difficult to make. Another Frenchman describes each course. Then they put up a chyron so I’m going to copy them down because like I said. I smell a trick. The first course is sourdough crusted red snapper with tomato basil consommé. Course 2: baked mahi-mahi with miso and matsutake (the guy says maitake) mushroom salad. I know from “Iron Chef” that matsutake and maitake are not the same. Course 3: baked lobster with asparagus and hollandaise sauce. All the sauces are put on the plates tableside. Leah wants to give Eric a hug because “he’s super sweet and cute”. Ugh. Jamie is bored with this kind of food. Shut up Jamie. Course 4: olive oil-poached escolar with potato crisps in a red wine béarnaise sauce. Course 5: za’atar spiced monkfish with black garlic. Course 6: sautéed black bass and braised celery with Serrano ham and green peppercorn sauce. I kind of want that right now. Jamie complains that this is her least favorite. She seriously sounds so whiny today.

Tom announces one last course…which is the knife block. Everyone has to recreate one of the entrees, with 2 hours to practice and cook. Stefan can pick his course, and he picks the lobster. He says he already picked out the ingredients. Hosea thinks he should go big or go home. Everyone else picks knives. Carla: escolar. Hosea: monkfish. Leah: mahi-mahi. Fabio: red snapper. Jamie: black bass. Which of course was the one she liked the least. Good. Whoever is furthest from the mark will go home.

Carla has never oil poached fish before. Lots of fish filleting. Jamie also has to break down the Serrano ham, which she asks Hosea to help her with. Eric and some lackey watch everyone. The lackey has the EXACT same hair color as Eric, which as we all know is not a color found in nature, so it’s really bizarre. Stefan thinks this will be super easy. Leah claims to have been the lead fish cook at her last restaurant. With all the seafood trouble she’s had? Hosea is not schooled as a chef. He has no idea about the spices, and he sees eggs and breadcrumbs in his ingredients so he is assuming the fish is dipped in egg wash and then in breadcrumbs mixed with spices, or maybe sprinkle the spice on egg wash dipped fish. Oh, he makes me nervous. Fabio just hopes his dish comes close. Leah cuts her miso with butter. Uh…ok.

Eric shows up to inspect food. Just like Tim! He tells Stefan that the asparagus in his original dish isn’t cooked. Stefan tries to confirm if that means “not cooked at all” or “not cooked in the same manner you cooked yours” but that’s all the help he’s getting. Leah’s miso is too intense and it’s oily. Carla is close but it needs acid. Hosea has a lot of spice and has to figure out his fish.

Jamie didn’t get Eric to taste her dish because she didn’t have time. Everyone sets up their mise en place and goes upstairs, where they’ll have 15 minutes to cook for the judges. There are other people in the restaurant upstairs, so how did they have space in the kitchen for these people and the cameras and stuff?

Fabio thinks he might have overcooked the bread. It does look dark. And it’s too thick. They get an original plate for comparison. It’s pretty close. Leah flails and cuts it pretty close time-wise. I think she’s got Killer Fatigue. Killer Fatigue is a thing from “Amazing Race” where people have been on the show for a while, and they just are so tired from lack of sleep and crazy reality show nonsense that their brain shuts down and they fall apart. There’s a lot of sauce and the wrong amount of miso. Tom says his is overcooked and all he tastes is ginger. Toby praises Eric’s dish and Eric practically blushes and thanks him. Padma jokingly declares him the Top Chef. Stefan is cocky as always. However, his sauce is much thicker. Eric says his chefs make it in a blender, while Stefan made his by hand. Toby pretty much sums it up by saying that if he didn’t know that Stefan’s dish was supposed to be like Eric’s, he’d be pretty pleased with it. He’s very close. Carla is totally in the weeds, and everyone is helping her plate. The potato crisps didn’t turn out well, which is what made her behind. But everything else is so close that I think the judges are satisfied. Hosea knows his is off. The sauce is close, but the fish is completely different and you can tell by looking at it. There’s too much za’atar and he didn’t rest the monkfish. Remember that everyone; if you cook monkfish it has to rest before you cut it, just like a roast. Tom outs Hosea as being a seafood chef and tells the rest of the judges this should be easy for him. Man. Jamie ruins her celery by leaving it on the stove too long but she feels she has to serve it. It looks pretty close, but the celery is far too salty. The fish is nicely cooked though.

Padma collects Fabio, Stefan, and Carla as the top three. Tom calls him on his cocky attitude and they tell him his sauce was too thick. Fabio didn’t burn the bread, which Eric thought he would. It was a great example. Carla impresses everyone by correctly figuring out the sauce and sounding more intelligent than when she was talking about sending out love in her dish. Stefan wins. Blah. Carla looks kind of pissed. Stefan wins a copy of Eric’s book and also a week in Eric’s kitchen, followed by a trip to a food and wine festival. Aww, they’ll be all cozy!

Hosea is kind of surprised, but he knows he doesn’t know za’atar spice. They tell him about monkfish resting, and he says it only rested for about a minute but he didn’t have time. Tom is glad to know he knew what was wrong. Leah describes how her miso probably looked greasy because things were hot, and she didn’t know how to fix it. She asks how Eric does it, and he mentions miso and lemon but not the butter that Leah used. Everything is subtle and she missed some stuff. Toby complains that she didn’t put any miso on his plate, because she knew that it was wrong so she was trying to mitigate that. Tom point blank asks her if she’s given up, and she insists she wants to win and regrets giving up yesterday. Eh. Jamie knows the celery was over salty. Padma would have sent it back. Toby says her sauce had a metallic, almost burnt taste that made him not want to eat anything. She admits this dish wasn’t her favorite but she thought she had the dish. Tom confirms she knows what she did wrong. Well…sort of. She explained the celery but not what the deal was with Toby’s sauce complaint.

Hosea should have seared the fish before putting the spice on it, which apparently you can tell that from looking at the finished dish, I guess. He also didn’t time his cooking so he could rest his fish. But the sauce was more complicated and he got it. Leah put butter in the miso sauce and there wasn’t even any fat in the sauce in the first place. Jamie did understand what she did wrong, which is a point in her favor. Tom asks which is worse: someone who screws up and knows what they did, or someone who just has no idea what is going on. In the Stew Room Leah tries to ask Jamie what Toby said about her dish, but Jamie keeps interrupting her to tell everyone how her sauce was “metallic” and Toby hated it. She’s not talking about you.

Tom tells Hosea he missed the spice going on after searing, Leah couldn’t figure out how the miso was incorporated into the dish, Jamie oversalted the celery. Jamie goes home. Man. I think Leah should have gone home. Jamie was pretty whiny today, though. It’s the end of Team Rainbow. She’s pretty calm about going home.

Next week: Tom asks them not to embarrass him, Fabio cuts himself badly enough that someone asks him if he wants to go to the hospital, and I believe that’s Jacques Pepin at the dinner table. And Wylie Dufresne. There’s like a pound of Vaseline on the lens, though, so it’s hard to tell.

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